There can be positive consequences for being too loyal. Generally, when someone respects someone they will respect them back. The same thing applies for trust, they both are two way relationships. When people are loyal they respect and trust the other person. If there is a two way relationship between the two people, they will look after each other. When one of them needs help, the other will help them and it goes both ways. This is the benefit of being too loyal.
Sometimes being too loyal can make people have a bias opinion. The person being really loyal could have a clouded mind because they are so loyal, they forget about their own opinion. These people think their opinion is not important. They cannot tell if the other person who they think so highly makes right or wrong decisions. These people always agree with the person they are loyal to.
Sometimes when people are too loyal, other people take advantage of them. People who are too loyal get taken advantage of because they are so loyal that they do not realize what is wrong. Without knowing it, these people hurt others and even themselves. For example; Bob tells Larry to steal Cindy's ice cream because he is hungry. Larry will feel bad about stealing Cindy's ice cream but he wants to be loyal to Bob. Therefore Larry steals the ice cream because Bob's hunger is more important. Now both Larry and Cindy are sad.
Being too loyal is not necessarily a good thing. Being too loyal can have a positive consequence. Although, there are much more negative consequences. Therefore, it is better not to be too loyal.
I really liked the points you made here Braden. You have great ideas and support them well with your examples. This being said, In my opinion, your introduction and conclusion are weaker in comparison. You made a good start and I can see where your ideas coming from. However, it might be a good idea to add more of a hook at the beginning. Try to engage your readers and personalize perhaps since most people have had both good and bad experiences with loyalty. I think you did a good job of explaining both outcomes of being too loyal and then stating which it is better to be, too loyal or not overly loyal.
ReplyDeleteI really like your essay Braden and I agree with Victoria that you supported your opinions well with examples. The example in your last body paragraph relates very well to your point of how people can take advantage of you. I think that you should try to use examples like that one in your other paragraphs to support your information.
ReplyDeleteAs well, I think going into more detail about how loyalty can cloud someone's opinion and show bias would help make your opinions clearer. Try to add personal or world references so the reader has something to relate to.
I like the fact that you used examples to help support your ideas throughout your paragraph. It always gives what you are saying more effect. I do agree with Victoria about the conclusion though. Personally for me, it is a little repetitive. One thing is that you wrote, “being too loyal” to start two sentences. I understand where you are coming from, but sometimes it is good to change it up a bit. For example, you could keep your first sentence the same, and then add “although” to the start of the second sentence (and not start the third with although). Also think about combining the sentences, because they are fairly short. You could combine your second and third if you want, to make it longer. One more thing is that can being too loyal have a positive consequence? When I think of “consequence”, it automatically makes me think negative. A suggestion is saying “outcome” instead. Other than that, you did a great job of explaining the positives and negatives of being too loyal, and also I really liked how you stated your opinion at the end.
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